You can turn the tricky topic of money and inheritance into a healthy, helpful family conversation.
Renowned author Brené Brown is famous for saying, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” She reminds us that having those hard conversations with our adult children is one of the best gifts we can give. Here are five practical tips to get the conversation about money started.
1. Don’t Wait for a Crisis
This is a conversation that gets more difficult the longer you wait. Be your own advocate and take control of the conversation. Don’t forget to prepare your kids in advance. A simple:
“We’d like to chat about some future planning sometime soon—nothing urgent, just good to have everything clear.”
2. Set the Tone
You’re stepping into a conversation, not a contract. You don’t need to have all the answers or make any final decisions. Your kids need to know they are welcome to join the discussion.
Begin with:
“I’ve been thinking about how to make things easier for everyone in the future. I’d like to start talking about this now while we have the chance to do it together.”
3. Be Honest—But Keep It Simple
You don’t need to get into the details of every dollar and dime (unless you want to). The goal is clarity:
- What do you have?
- What do you want to happen with it?
- Who’s handling what when the time comes?
If you’ve made a will or appointed a power of attorney, share the basics. Let them know where the documents are and who’s responsible for what. If you’re still sorting these details out, check out this blog on how to prepare.
You can start the conversation by saying,
“We haven’t finalized everything, but we want you to know what I’m thinking.”
4. Expect Emotions
Money brings out all kinds of feelings: guilt, anxiety, gratitude, and sometimes resentment. If emotions rise, let them. Give everyone space to process. You might even say:
“I understand this is an emotional conversation; you’re allowed to have feelings, and I’m allowed to have the opportunity to express my desires.”
Encourage everyone to pause, take a sip of coffee (or whisky), and breathe.
5. Take The Two-Way Street
Don’t forget to ask questions. Everyone will benefit if it’s a conversation instead of a monologue. You might be surprised what your kids don’t want to inherit. (Spoiler alert: it’s probably the dining room set.)
Ask things like:
- “What matters most to you?”
- “Are there things you’d love to keep in the family?”
- “Is there anything you’re worried about when it comes to money or my estate?”
Tackling these difficult conversations can save your family stress, confusion, and even conflict down the line. Think of it as one more way to take care of the people you love.
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